Unworthiness...Nurture, not Nature

None were born feeling unworthy, inadequate, insufficient, weak, or dumb. We each came into this world screaming, breathing, trying to take in every movement, touch, bodily sensation, color and sound ready to learn all this world has to teach. We did not know the meaning of inadequate. At some point though, we looked around and saw others afraid, shamed and shaming. We learned this fear and this shame and when we were old enough we began to practice it on others. We didn't know any better. None of us desires to feel unworthy. None would say that feeling unworthy is something they freely chose. We were taught it. We were shown it. We experienced it. So we learned it. And as much as we'd like to let others keep it, some of it always gets on us. It's impossible to shame someone else without knowing shame yourself. But it's ok, because baby, you were not born that way.

How often are we waiting for the next shaming, the next reminder of inadequacy and unworthiness? In my experience, always. All the time.

We want to connect, but when our only tool is shame, we use it and only get distance. We use it because we desire connection and often don't know what other tool to use. We've had the most practice and experience with shame. No wonder we're so confused about desperately wanting to connect, but rarely experience meaningful connection. Our primary tool for connection is a tool of unworthiness.

Use love.

It's ok. You can give up shame. It's not you. You learned it. You don't really feel that way about yourself. It's not really how you want others to feel either. You are worthy. It's ok. Show others they are worthy by connecting and loving them. Don't worry when they're surprised. They aren't used to others showering them with worthiness. Most of us aren't. We're more accustomed to shame. It's ok. Don't lose heart. Keep loving. Keep showing worthiness. Keep connecting. Others will catch on. They'll catch on when they feel worthy. One day they'll like it better and let go of their fear. And so will you. You are loved. Keep loving.